A Case of Bad Combination: Being a Migrant & a Worrier
For the past months, my daily routine consisted of just going to school, work and finally home. The fact that I’m living in Melbourne, Australia’s cultural and food capital did not even matter that time. The moment that I arrived in Melbourne, both my heart and mind were optimistic that everything will work out just fine. It was my usual confident, optimistic thinking and of course, I combined this with perseverance.
Our life in a bunch of words: I came here with my mother, her profession enabled us to secure permanent residency here in Australia. We came with hopes that we could be together again as a family. I was happy as I have not lived together with my mom for quite a long time. She was abroad most of the time and when she finally came home, I was studying in a far-off school.My mother is a single mom and worked as a landscape architect in Dubai for five years before she applied here in Australia: ” It is for our future, you and your siblings would have a good life here”, she said full of enthusiasm.
Everything was fine during the first months of our stay here but it would later falter.
Just like any other newcomers, we were excited and looked forward to opportunities. But enthusiasm was quickly eaten by grim each time a month passed, although having
an extensive work experience, only rejection letters came to my mom. Our financial sources were quick to decline and we gained debts trying to survive. We did not expect
that jobs are elusive here.
Good things come when you least expect it, same with bad luck. A random moment can translate to a sudden tinge of happiness, a beautiful feeling that unconsciously puts a smile in your face and make your heart flutter for no reason,a high dose of optimism wherein you feel like nobody or nothing can bring you down. I felt exactly like that when I got accepted in the university and became recipient of two scholarships. In a glance,everything looked settled.
However, I made mistakes. Not huge ones, but simple mistakes that harboured deep consequences. I was working various part-time jobs to earn enough for my
rent. Every morning, I would clean a pub then go straight to class. It hard work and I was underpaid but money is crucial so I needed to go on. I looked for different jobs but only got rejection letters. Then I tried working for McDonald’s, it however it proved to be a stressful environment for me. As whiny as it may sound, all I can think of during classes and exams were the orders of the last five costumers. So, I quit.
The deadline for the rent money came along with the final examinations. I did not have work nor money to pay bills. Although, I had my scholarship, it was just enough for my tuition fee and few months of rent, I have also lent a partial amount to my mom. The stress of this situation took a hold of my system, my mind and my peace. My academics, which was supposedly my sole focus became the thing in which I gave the least attention. procrastination became my escape and a habit. I was looking for diversion, a way to escape my problems. I do not smoke nor drink but I have the tendency to just shut down and not care of what is happening around me.
So when I learned of my academic results, knowing that I failed for the first time, I cried out for hours in my bed while roommate my peacefully sleeping. I let myself be drowned in misery for that night and had lots of question ran in my head that time.
I was asking why can’t I worry about other things like a normal 19-year old? Why can’t I worry about guys or shopping or parties? But that was only for seconds, as I do not like superficial things.
The next day, I was alright as if nothing happened. Long drive to somewhere random was inevitable, so I was in Grampians next day. Truth to be told, the mountains gave me peace. My problems did not even matter there and I felt at peace.
So I made a mid-year resolution (probably not a new concept to others): I will not worry, not even a single day. Being a serial worrier ever since I was young, this is a fresh idea for me. So from that day, I just got on by everyday without fussing over small things. This can be compared to a subtler version of the movie “Yes Man”, a film which is also based on a real life story of a man who said yes for an entire year. I’m going to try to adopt this “Hakuna Matata” mindset and just breeze through life. There may be uncertainty but it is definitely worth the time to try.
Let us see how it goes.